The most beautiful adventure
16 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
- To tell you this story, I would need to start with the girl I was 8 years ago.
She seems like a stranger to me now, with her just-so JLo highlights, and caked on makeup. Her chain smoking, swearing, and party all the time, yet don’t mess with me attitude. Some days, I think back on who I was then, and I feel like I am telling stories of a mythical version of myself. A me I used to play. Which is, in fact, kind of true.
It was summer of 2002. I was in what I lovingly refer to as my wild child state. After the fall of the towers, I was convinced that the world was ending and I might as well get all of the debauchery in while I could. Newly single, and completely and utterly willing to try anything that was legal (and unfortunately, some things that were not), I entered a season of excess.
I just want to tell this girl- Really, REALLY?! Do you know where that guy's mouth has been? GROSS
The thing about excess is this. Too much of anything is always a bad thing. And before you know it, you realize, whatever hole you were trying to fill with excess, is not getting filled at all. In fact, the exact opposite begins to happen. Its almost as if the hole is some kind of sponge and rather than filling a gap somewhere, there is this crazy absorption that happens. You become your excess. Instead of having control over it. It has control over you.
I remember the moment, that I realized that I was in trouble. It was in January of 2002 on a trip to Vegas (of course). When I had to convince my friend, to ensure she would not let me take random ecstasy pills from a stranger that had been offering them to us all weekend. The fact that I couldn’t trust myself to say, “No” on my own scared me.
I flew home that weekend thinking, something has to change. I wanted to change, had a desire to change, but didn’t know how. So life sucked me back in again, and before I knew it, I was deep back in the place, that I said I never wanted to be.
In June of 2002, I had this opportunity to try out for this customer service program with my job. They were looking for people to travel across the country, to train people in Customer Service. I made it through a screening process to be part of a select group that would be audition in Vegas, of all places. At the time, it was the best of both worlds. I could get get drunk and mess around on the company dime- awesome.
This is where, in the oddest of places, the story gets kind of romantic. If there is ever a moment, that you feel like God is not a romance junkie, who is desperate to court and bask you in His affection, I feel like this story will prove you so wrong. Because He is. I feel like He lured me to this place, when I wasn’t looking and gave me what I thought I wanted, only to give me what He knew I deserved- a life with Him.
I made it through the round in Vegas to be a part of a national group of 12 people that would tour larger venues (The Kodak theater, The Forum, etc). Through this I met a girl, Genevieve, who just seemed to be different. People just liked her, and things came easy to her.
At the time, I was the kind of girl that would never let someone else be more popular, or more successful than I was. My initial thought, was to befriend her to see what she was that I wasn’t and then just do what ever she was doing (I was the ultimate chameleon would do whatever you wanted to make you like me). Joke was on me, what she was, was saved. And that’s what she was doing.
me and Gen at the magic carpet photo at Pier 39. If the guy looks familiar its because he is latin singing sensation- Christian Acosta- seriously!
Again, the romance of God. He showed me through her all the I could be in Him. It was His beckoning, “Look what I can do for you. The way he (the world) loves you, does not compare to the way I will love you.”
And then I found myself liking this girl, in the oddest twists of fate. Up until this moment, women weren’t to be trusted. Best friends steal boyfriends and other girlfriends talk about you behind your back. We lived close to each other (both in Northern California) and both were playing “The Lisa role” on the road (odd side note here- Lisa is also saved, and was a great example to me during the BA Spirit tour. Cause God is just that good).
There were also life things between Gen and I that were kind of odd coincidences, both of us just got out of mega serious relationships with boys we thought we were going to marry, we both loved basketball, and we were both Filipino.
In August we headed to the Los Angeles to the Renaissance Hotel, where we would do workshops to prepare us for the “National Tour” It was at the bottom of the escalator that I heard Gen and Lisa talking about Ron Kenoly, and His world known song “Lift Him Up.”
I knew that song! They sang that at my church (well my mom’s church). At which time, I felt like “Eureka! I have found it. Me and Gen DO have a ton in common. I love God too!”
As I began to really see Gen and Lisa, I realized that they knew God in a deeper way than I knew Him. He wasn’t just their “Sunday God,” or their “please don’t let me be pregnant God.”.
He was LIVING in and with them. And they respected Him and loved Him. He was their present God.
So I told Gen, and I remember exactly what I said, “You’re saved?! I’m saved too!” Like we had just found out that both our favorite colors were pink or something. She invited me to pray with her and Lisa the following morning in her hotel room. So I went. To be honest, I have no clue why I agreed. I think I was afraid to lose the first real potential girlfriend I could make.
It was a brisk morning for August. I remember exactly what I was wearing. A long grey skirt and a black top. We were sitting in a circle praying. I had never prayed out loud before. So I was fine to skip my turn. And then I felt it, what I now know as the tangible presence of God.
The only way I can describe it is, that I felt like I was a fish that was all of a sudden aware of my gills. And for the first time in my 22 years I could breathe.
Immediately, I was in Gen’s small group, and the time on the road, was my dessert season. It was a time of me and God and nothing else. Me and God in North Carolina. Me and God in Washington DC. Me and God in Los Angeles. Me and God in Anaheim. In that time I discovered the life I was living was an empty of shell of the life I was meant to live.
I didn’t give up all of my vices right away. It took that romancing season for me to realize I was safe with Him. And if I let Him, He would take care of me. Wherever I was. Whatever happened.
8 years later, I have not regretted a minute of it. It has been the most beautiful adventure, and He continues to still take my breath away with how He loves me. I have traveled the world. I have prayed for the sick in His name and seen them made well. I have witnessed the life I once knew transformed into a life that I hope honors my Beloved who rescued me and continues to rescue me every day.
Thanks God. For not giving up on me. For loving me enough to court me right where I was. Here’s to decades more of surprising adventures with You.
xoxo,
