What happens now…

15 Nov 2010 1 Comment

by therevchick in Uncategorized

I quit my job a month ago.  The whole way I came to the decision to do that, is a whole other blog post for a whole other day.

The control freak in me wants to say the process if over. Wants to tell you that its the end and tell you how I got there.

The competitive side of me, wishes I could say that I passed every test with flying colors.

But I can’t say either of those things just yet. It hasn’t been easy.  I have been more grappling foal than galloping stallion through this whole thing. In what seemingly should have been an exciting time of peace,  I would find myself  wanting to stress out, just so I had something to do. Busying myself with things, just to say I was busy.

Every job I have ever had, has been an all consuming one. There has been no inbetween. No part time job. It was like quiting a 16 year habit I have never done life at a leisurely stroll. I’ve always been at  full on warp speed.

For the first couple of weeks, I didn’t want to stop for longer than necessary. If I wasn’t busy, if I wasn’t stressed out, if I wasn’t anything- what was I?  I realized, that I have equated work with purpose and identity.  That if I’m working I must be somebody.

Somebody important.

Somebody with value.

Then one day. while I was eating cheese at a wine bar (its what women of leisure do), the sommelier stopped me, and said, “Why are you eating so fast? Cheese is aged, so that it can be enjoyed slowly. If you eat too fast, you will miss the small nuances that make it amazing.”

I LOVE LIFE REVELATIONS OVER CHEESE!

For the past 16 years, I was going so fast, that I have missed the little things that make life amazing. Lunch with friends. Coffee and a book with nowhere to go, no underlying anxiety of the workday.  Maury Povich announcing who the father is, while I clean my paint brushes. I have overlooked nuances of myself and life that God thinks are amazing.

So I started to slow down. So I can be in awe of things again. So I can enjoy life, because its meant to be enjoyed.

I began to realize, that work is not your purpose. Your job is not your identity. Jobs are fleeting, they can change at any given moment, who you are in God is not. Basing identity and purpose on a temporary thing, only temporarily satisfies you.

So, I am trying to  enjoy life like cheese. Slowly, so I can taste all of the nuances.  The joy of being myself. Relishing in the beauty of me.

Everyday, I learn something new. About myself. About God. About living as myself serving a gracious God.

And on the work front, things have evolved there too. In a surprising way. For the first time in my life I am letting them happen. I am letting myself be surprised.

xoxo,

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