Today I just want to cry
05 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in Random Thoughts Tags: adversity, fire, glass, God, laughter, prayer, smooth stones, work
And I have. At least 4 times today.
I have teared up. Once, because I am so overwhelmed by what needs to be done before I leave. Another time, I cried, because my team had a belly laugh over the smallest thing, and I realized, that I love those guys.
They are the sweetest, hardest working, always looking to be better guys, and I am so thankful that God brought me here to be with them.
Which lead to the third time I cried, thinking about the last time I went to the Philippines, 2 years ago. When I came back, I wanted to quit my job. There’s a lot I won’t say about it, because there is no point.
But today, hearing them laughing, enjoying each other and their jobs while I was looking at reports at what we have built over the past two years. My how two years changes things.
I saw the God in it. In all of this. In the oddest, most, non spiritual, least church like of places. God has been here too. He was always here. Cause He never leaves, He patiently waits, while we get our eyes right to see Him.
I am thankful that I didn’t let a job I couldn’t understand force me to quit. I am thankful for friends that told me that one day I would see God’s brushstroke on this part of my masterpiece. I am thankful for a God that invades in laughter, in truth, in peace, and in joy, sometimes while no one notices. I am thankful for a quiet avenger, who allowed me to fiddle around in the dark for a while so I could find my way in Him, here.
The journey is so big. That if we judge it or give up because one part is not working out the way we planned, we will fail to get where we are ultimately supposed to go, and be who He is carving us to be.
In a difficult place, we forget that adversity, pounds metal. Fire, blows glass. Rough seas, create smooth stones.
As always, if you need prayer or a friend, comment box is open or you can email me directly.
xoxo,
Single Like a Girl
31 Aug 2009 5 Comments
in My Life as a single girl, Random Thoughts Tags: children, girls, God, playground, single, twitter
I can summarize my thoughts on singleness in a tweet that I posted Saturday Night:
This morning, while I was praying, I had this kind of dream/vision. It was a lot of my single friends and we were sitting at a park in a circle. It was game day. It felt really summery, like we had all the time in the world, and we had no other concerns but the next fun thing. It reminded me of recess when I was in elementary school. One of us was blowing bubbles, and the other hopping on one foot.
Sometimes, when I get visions like this, I wonder if I might have fallen asleep while praying, and maybe I am having a nonsensical dream. But something one of the ladies I look up to, Pastor Cynthia, says to do is, “always ask God.” So I did. And this is what the Holy Spirit revealed to me to tell all my single girlfriends.
“Be single like a girl.”
When we are younger the boys chase after the girls. We are never desperate for male attention, never compare popularity. We are just freely ourselves and the boys do the chasing.
When you’re a girl, you don’t wonder about your husband. You just dream and KNOW that someday, as Cinderella sings, your prince will come. There is no settling, no, he will do. We know that he will be great, and handsome, and smart and funny. Its the untainted dreams of a girl.
When you’re a girl, you trust that you are going to be taken care of. Food magically appears at night, clothes get cleaned without you knowing how, you never run out of something as small as toothpaste, cause someone always thinks ahead to get it for you.
So my dear single sisters (and brothers too) be single like children. Trust that it will work out in due season. The bell will ring on time. You will not be forgotten. Be yourselves, because that is the only person worth chasing on the playground.
How else can you be more like a child in your singleness or in your life? Comment box is open- have at it.
xoxo,
The Grace Race
02 Feb 2008 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: admin, God, grace, jobs, prayer, work
I got a new job! Have I told you that? I HAVE!! Its a great job…at a place that if I may say so “I’m feeling lucky” to work at. Have you guessed it yet? If you haven’t maybe you can search me on the web…have you ever “Googled” anyone? 
My God, my God is so faithful. You know when people say that sometimes and say I just can’t tell it all? I really cannot tell it all. The depths of His goodness to me, is astounding. How You know me, how You love me. Why do You sometimes I want to ask? Why?! But He just does and He is so GOOD to me.
When I took the admin position at my current job, I was uncertain. I did not know Microsoft Outlook as well as they needed me to. I knew youth ministry. I knew how to get kids saved, pray for them, spend time with them. That was all I knew, and all I ever thought I was going to do. So when the Lord told me it was time to go, and I went, I prayed God let there be an assignment for me here. How do you leave a job so full of your own passion, and your dreams and go to a job that you feel is just a paycheck?
But gosh the people were easy to fall in love with. Soon they became my passion. Iremembered that the reason I wanted to make a difference in this world was to see people changed by the love of God. It had been years since I just made friends for the sake of friendship, had conversations without any opening for counseling. I began to see the value in me, and the Jesus in me without saying a word. Then my aunt died, and I felt like I was of no use to anyone. I would come into work, barely hanging on. Without knowing it the people here showed me real love, they never rushed me to heal, or rushed me to get back to work. I feel like I learned the meaning of God’s love here. The way that Jesus felt the heart of the Father when He spent time with the lost. I think you can spend so much time in church that you judge the lost. You say, things like well what can you do, they’re lost? We think that being lost is a blockade to God’s love. But we forget that He loved us when we were yet sinners and it was that love that transformed us.
If you are saved and reading this, and you think back to your salvation experience, you will remember at least one person, that saw you, really saw you- and chose to love you because He loves you. If you remember that far back you will also remember it was not words of condemnation, but words of encouragement and love, that lead you to the great place you are today.
I have prayed prayers without them knowing it. That has been the greatest lesson of all. I have learned a portion of the way the Lord loves us sometimes without , yet He does it anyway,not for credit but hoping one day, we will understand the value of His love and love others with it. I have never wanted credit for my love or my prayers. I just do it because I know no other way to love them but this way.
Imagine my surprise when I gave my notice this week, I receieved dozens of emails, and phone calls saying what a difference I have made. Truly, I feel like I have not been a spectacular admin. I have messed things up, forgotten things. I have loved them, and that has made all the difference. I knew it was the Lord showing me, that there was an assignment here after all, just not the kind I thought there was. I thought I was going to save people, baptize them in the Spirit in a conference room or something.
I have seen the move of the love of a Father desperate for His children to see the goodness of the life He provides. A woman I work with that I was instantly knit with, that has had several miscarriages, and was told it might not be possible to carry to term- just told me today she is pregnant. Another woman, opened up to me today about her daughter- she said I don’t know why I am telling you this. I know, I know the power of our Father that loves us deeply, awesomely, gloriously-loves us so much when we don’t even know Him.
My God- you rock!
Open doors, closed doors
10 Jan 2008 1 Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: career opportunities, God
I had this opportunity kind of land in my lap. One of those things, that you just think is so cool, and gosh just want to jump at it. Despite a baby question mark in my belly I jumped, leaped and held on. Its not that the opportunity was bad it was just a matter of is this the right time? As one of my one really good friends says, “We lose everything if we act in our own time and not God’s” (He said that on Tuesday, and immediately I was like thats something to live by)
As with things like this, even when you leap you kind of need someone to call you back, and when they did, I rearranged, replaced, erased things off my calendar to make myself available, still with a little bit of unrest. Oh the things you can do when you are convinced of your future.
Today, with what happens next looming, I took a look at my calendar, and said, gosh this doesn’t feel right. Now as a girl with great discernment, I never really second guess my gift. But I had 3rd, 4th and 5th ignored, what I know to be the same thing inside of me that speaks words of healing, words of believing, words of grace. So I do what every girl in my position would do. I IM’d my sister, hoping it would give me some peace, some sort of whoosh of that’s okay. Still it didn’t.
So while I was washing my hands in the bathroom (like all people should) I felt inside of me- Would I go without peace? Surely not! I know what happens when I ignore this. I end up two months later saying I should have listened to that still small voice.
So I canceled, what some might call the opportunity of a lifetime. It could have been a test. The hand of God could keep the door open for me, who knows. But I have peace knowing that I would trade an opportunity of a lifetime for a lifetime of opportunities.
I am humbled. That God loves me this much.
