The accidental mistress
15 Jan 2008 4 Comments
in My Life as a single girl Tags: dating, relationships, single
So lately I have been discovering this inner invisible mack hand. I don’t know if its the new restored joy in the Lord, the fact that I’m eating better and I have a little more pep. I don’t know. But let’s just say the oddest things are happening to me.
On Monday someone that I know named Shmemerson* came by my cube and was like hey me and you should go to lunch this week. Just the day before, Marissa* and Carlos* both had honest conversations with me about thinking too much when people ask me out. So I said, “Sure!” For the record, I blame the following incident on them…read on.
You may ask why I said sure to a guy I didn’t know was saved or had a calling on his life or whatever. You would be right I didn’t know, but its not like I have a neon light Holy Spirit sign at my cube either. Plus it was just LUNCH- let me remind you that both Marissa* and Carlos* (both two people that bat above average in the wisdom department said not to think too much-PS if you think I am really blaming them for this you so don’t get my humor, and will not ever find me entertaining). I was telling Marissa* yesterday, that I was sure it was a date-y kind of thing, because we don’t have a similar line of business to discuss or anything, and I didn’t feel the we’re just friends vibe, because why would we just not continue our Sametime chat friendship? But then she had me thinking maybe we were just friends going to lunch. I mean that happens here all the time.
So anyway I like this guy, not in a like like bubble guts kind of way. When I type LOL when we chat at work sometimes he really does make me laugh out loud. I don’t say it just to let him know that I think something is kinda, remotely maybe funny. He literally makes me guffaw in the cube cemetary I call my office. I figure worse case scenario we could just tell each other jokes over lunch , have milk come out of our noses and it would be well worth it.
So this morning I got an early start, I worked until 2am yesterday and had a conference all at 7AM. During my debrief this morning I was brushing my teeth. I had another meeting that I just found out that they needed a projector and flip charts for. So I was dragging my flip chart holder, when Shmemerson* comes up behind me and grabs the flip chart.
Sometimes being a single girl is like a video game, and above the single guys that you interact with are a running number of points. Its like in Super Mario Brothers when you eat the mushroom and it says 200. When he said, “Let me get that for you.” It was like 500 points!!! Maybe you are more than LOL’s and ROFL’s.
So he says, “Hey are we still on for lunch?”
I say, “Sure! Let’s do it.” I’m fearless, I’m Renee. I’m awesome. Just watch me now Carlos* and Marissa*!
He says, “Don’t know if it makes any difference to you but I have a girlfriend.” wah wah wah pfffffft (the strawberry sound you make when you are making a funny face).
I say, dissappointed but I think hiding it well. “Dude not a problem. Not a big deal.” More or less to say, hey man, I totally did not misread this! I’m hip I’m cool. My mack hand is a little defective from lack of use, but yeah I totally thought it was a just friends invite!! HA!
To which he says, “ Ok cool, So you’re okay if we just keep this on the hush? ” and walks away.
I think I just became this guys mistress.
To make matters worse (as if not having this guy thinking I’m the kind of girl that would say yes its okay to this kind of shenanigans is not enough) this guy used the phrase “On the HUSH..!” What am I in an R Kelley 12 play video?
Plus, now I have to buy my own lunch today and eat it at my desk. No LMAO,’s no LOL’s, no OMG’s, me and a salad at my cube.
Finally …I have to tell Shmemerson* what I really meant by “Dude for real its okay.” Translation…I just wanted to be your friend not your Secret Lover, not your chick on the side, not your DL chick. Confronting giants in this season indeed… I will use a very strongly worded email. 
Back to the drawing board…
White guys 1
Filipino guys negative 500.
*names have been changed, but not well, to protect the identities of all the parties involved.
