Single Like a Girl
31 Aug 2009 5 Comments
in My Life as a single girl, Random Thoughts Tags: children, girls, God, playground, single, twitter
I can summarize my thoughts on singleness in a tweet that I posted Saturday Night:
This morning, while I was praying, I had this kind of dream/vision. It was a lot of my single friends and we were sitting at a park in a circle. It was game day. It felt really summery, like we had all the time in the world, and we had no other concerns but the next fun thing. It reminded me of recess when I was in elementary school. One of us was blowing bubbles, and the other hopping on one foot.
Sometimes, when I get visions like this, I wonder if I might have fallen asleep while praying, and maybe I am having a nonsensical dream. But something one of the ladies I look up to, Pastor Cynthia, says to do is, “always ask God.” So I did. And this is what the Holy Spirit revealed to me to tell all my single girlfriends.
“Be single like a girl.”
When we are younger the boys chase after the girls. We are never desperate for male attention, never compare popularity. We are just freely ourselves and the boys do the chasing.
When you’re a girl, you don’t wonder about your husband. You just dream and KNOW that someday, as Cinderella sings, your prince will come. There is no settling, no, he will do. We know that he will be great, and handsome, and smart and funny. Its the untainted dreams of a girl.
When you’re a girl, you trust that you are going to be taken care of. Food magically appears at night, clothes get cleaned without you knowing how, you never run out of something as small as toothpaste, cause someone always thinks ahead to get it for you.
So my dear single sisters (and brothers too) be single like children. Trust that it will work out in due season. The bell will ring on time. You will not be forgotten. Be yourselves, because that is the only person worth chasing on the playground.
How else can you be more like a child in your singleness or in your life? Comment box is open- have at it.
xoxo,
Creepy guys drink at Starbucks
25 Jan 2008 Leave a Comment
in My Life as a single girl Tags: guys, single, Starbucks
I love what is happening in my life right now. It seems like I laid a whole bunch of things down, and am receiving the greater multiplication. It is pretty stinkin awesome!
So yesterday I met a woman that Pastor Milo told me to contact, she is Filipino, just got to the states, and he really felt like I would be a good friend to her. Good old Pastor Milo. Anyway, I contacted her about 3 weeks ago, and she was so sweet and kind over the phone. We had one of those instant connections and we exchanged Yahoo messenger screen names. Any who, last night our schedules opened up for the first time so we could meet. It was so great meeting with Rhea and her friend Amelia, yes building connections is what this life is really about! Plus I get to practice my tagalog which I wanted to get better at before the April trip to the Philippines.
We are sitting, talking, laughing, just enjoying ourselves. In walks the guy that works at the Micro Center near the Starbucks by AMC Mercado. He starts drawing. I think hey man, thats cool be an artist. You are more than the Micro Center job, man. Rock on with the creativity.
Then he starts staring at us. We are all trying to ignore him. He has loudly told all of Starbucks that he just comes here on his break, because “he gets so tired of computers man.” He comes here to sketch. Sketch not draw mind you, there are some creative types like to give their art a more sophisticated name, so that it can’t be confused with something a 3 year old does with a 64 pack of crayola crayons.
So after a while of sketching, from in front of us. He moves to sketch right next to us. Literally, I can see his eyeballs and the mole on his nose. He is that close. My girlfriend Amelia says in tagalog, “This guy is really creeping me out!!”
I am not paying attention, because I feel like that’s what this guy wants. Plus I am making new friends, I cannot be concerned with this guy and his “sketching” I never go into MicroCenter, anyway, our paths will never cross.
Curiousity gets the best of me though. I mean what are you sketching DUDE. Curiousity- you evil evil friend! I look over and its a sketch of me playing with my scarf from a side view……………EWE
Note to self: stay 500 feet away from MicroCenter
Single Girls Secret Habits
25 Jan 2008 Leave a Comment
in My Life as a single girl Tags: girls, secrets, sex and the city, single
There was once an episode of Sex and the City, that described secret single behavior. The things you do alone when no one is watching. You know, pumice your feet, watch reality television, drink straight from the milk carton. In the episode, Carrie is afraid to let Aidan in, because she values her secret single time. At the time, my cousin and I (we lived together at the time, in a studio dont ask me how we did it- thats a blog for another time), were throwing popcorn at the screen. We were thinking, “You dumb Carrie, Aidan is so fine, why would you not let him in?”
It seemed crazy, how a person so dying to share their life with someone would be afraid that when the right person came along that they would get too close? Eventually as we all know, Carrie can’t commit to Aidan and then has random boyfriends that just lead her back to Mr.Big, I know I just docked my cool Christian quotient right now, but I LOVED that show!
Anyway, I would have always thought that secret single behavior was a matter of fiction, until recently. For the first time ever, my life isn’t running me. I don’t just make do with just enough clean clothes to get thru the week, and groceries only when I have no left overs in the fridge. I have actually learned to budget my time, penning in my me time, so that I can stay balanced. Or as Pastor Charlton would say, I just know my rocks.
I realize I do some crazy things when I am alone. I read with the TV on and my iHome playing at the same time. I burn pizza and still eat it. I like to have a sugar free popsicle before bed, almost every night. I sleep with my make up on most nights, and forget to take my contacts out sometimes. I watch reruns of the Hills and I am obsessed with Perez Hilton. It seems that in my quest to be single and whole, I have achieved what most singles look for in a mate- comfort in company. Its just the company I like most is my own.
You have to understand I have been single for 7 years. The first 5 years of that was on my face praying for God to give me a husband, so I wouldn’t be alone, and so that someone could be like my little polly pocket, someone that would be legally obligated to love me. When I turned 25 I laid it at the altar and told the Lord, that I would stop asking who and when and start asking what do you want me to with this time. What a time it has been!!!
I have discovered that there is plenty to do outside of planning my imaginary wedding, naming my imaginary kids, and thinking that every man I encounter could be my future husband. I have found my voice in ministry,pretty much my voice in the world. I know who I am as an individual and I have learned to not settle for less than what I am worth. Most recently, I have learned to love myself and give myself as much grace as I do others.
So why the post? My secret is that as a girl that has been dying to get married, I think I might be scared. Know I know I’m scared. I’m scared of getting married, and losing all that I have worked so hard to expose to the Lord and let Him heal. I am scared that I would get lost again like I was lost before. Living in the shadows of boyfriends, their favorite past times and their friends.
Maybe I am scared too, that I am too strong, and that there isn’t a man out there, that can handle this kind of woman. The kind that has a vision for her life and isn’t waiting for a change in her last name to do something about it.
I wonder sometimes, if I am the only single girl that has felt this way. Struggling with making peace with marriage, thinking, am I really the sacrificing kind? Could I really pick up someone else’s dirty underwear? Vacation somewhere that I didn’t pick? Spend Christmas with someone else’s family? Minister somewhere I don’t feel called, but he was?
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not lead by fear, I know when the time comes I will meet the right person and have a peace that surpasses all my understanding. Kind of like when i made the decison to leave my bank job to go into ministry or when I left my ministry job to go into high tech. They were decisions that didn’t make sense but I had peace. I am willing to choose peace even when my insides are uncomfortable.
Its just questions I have, that I am not sure if I am weird if I ask them. I guess I am not afraid to look weird after all.
The accidental mistress
15 Jan 2008 4 Comments
in My Life as a single girl Tags: dating, relationships, single
So lately I have been discovering this inner invisible mack hand. I don’t know if its the new restored joy in the Lord, the fact that I’m eating better and I have a little more pep. I don’t know. But let’s just say the oddest things are happening to me.
On Monday someone that I know named Shmemerson* came by my cube and was like hey me and you should go to lunch this week. Just the day before, Marissa* and Carlos* both had honest conversations with me about thinking too much when people ask me out. So I said, “Sure!” For the record, I blame the following incident on them…read on.
You may ask why I said sure to a guy I didn’t know was saved or had a calling on his life or whatever. You would be right I didn’t know, but its not like I have a neon light Holy Spirit sign at my cube either. Plus it was just LUNCH- let me remind you that both Marissa* and Carlos* (both two people that bat above average in the wisdom department said not to think too much-PS if you think I am really blaming them for this you so don’t get my humor, and will not ever find me entertaining). I was telling Marissa* yesterday, that I was sure it was a date-y kind of thing, because we don’t have a similar line of business to discuss or anything, and I didn’t feel the we’re just friends vibe, because why would we just not continue our Sametime chat friendship? But then she had me thinking maybe we were just friends going to lunch. I mean that happens here all the time.
So anyway I like this guy, not in a like like bubble guts kind of way. When I type LOL when we chat at work sometimes he really does make me laugh out loud. I don’t say it just to let him know that I think something is kinda, remotely maybe funny. He literally makes me guffaw in the cube cemetary I call my office. I figure worse case scenario we could just tell each other jokes over lunch , have milk come out of our noses and it would be well worth it.
So this morning I got an early start, I worked until 2am yesterday and had a conference all at 7AM. During my debrief this morning I was brushing my teeth. I had another meeting that I just found out that they needed a projector and flip charts for. So I was dragging my flip chart holder, when Shmemerson* comes up behind me and grabs the flip chart.
Sometimes being a single girl is like a video game, and above the single guys that you interact with are a running number of points. Its like in Super Mario Brothers when you eat the mushroom and it says 200. When he said, “Let me get that for you.” It was like 500 points!!! Maybe you are more than LOL’s and ROFL’s.
So he says, “Hey are we still on for lunch?”
I say, “Sure! Let’s do it.” I’m fearless, I’m Renee. I’m awesome. Just watch me now Carlos* and Marissa*!
He says, “Don’t know if it makes any difference to you but I have a girlfriend.” wah wah wah pfffffft (the strawberry sound you make when you are making a funny face).
I say, dissappointed but I think hiding it well. “Dude not a problem. Not a big deal.” More or less to say, hey man, I totally did not misread this! I’m hip I’m cool. My mack hand is a little defective from lack of use, but yeah I totally thought it was a just friends invite!! HA!
To which he says, “ Ok cool, So you’re okay if we just keep this on the hush? ” and walks away.
I think I just became this guys mistress.
To make matters worse (as if not having this guy thinking I’m the kind of girl that would say yes its okay to this kind of shenanigans is not enough) this guy used the phrase “On the HUSH..!” What am I in an R Kelley 12 play video?
Plus, now I have to buy my own lunch today and eat it at my desk. No LMAO,’s no LOL’s, no OMG’s, me and a salad at my cube.
Finally …I have to tell Shmemerson* what I really meant by “Dude for real its okay.” Translation…I just wanted to be your friend not your Secret Lover, not your chick on the side, not your DL chick. Confronting giants in this season indeed… I will use a very strongly worded email. 
Back to the drawing board…
White guys 1
Filipino guys negative 500.
*names have been changed, but not well, to protect the identities of all the parties involved.
